Your fear is where you find your greatest power.

I rarely remember my dreams, but in the last week I have rememebered two – the first involved two seperate Gods stepping forward at different stages of the dream to help. I have worked with them both very briefly in the past but they now feel it is time for all of us to ‘pick up arms’.

The second dream was last night and far more intense. I was stood on a submarine in the middle of the ocean at night stranded with no land in sight. I knew going back inside the submarine wasn’t an option and I was sinking.  Then an Orca appeared aside the Submarine – we have met before and she is hurt that I haven’t visited her for a while, by doing this I have been blocking my own potential. She then showed me the water beneath her and there were hundreds of Orcas moving around in the depths, jostling each other. And that is where I knew I had to go.

I climbed into the ocean and was flanked either side and an Orca underneath and off we went, me surrounded by hundreds of Orcas in the dead of night, in the dark, in the mother fucking scary ocean.

The feeling of power, strangth and protection that came from my pod was so imeasurable I am finding it hard to describe. It was solid, unpeneatrable and permenant. I am theirs and they are mine. We belong.

There is no other animal on this entire planet that strikes fear into me like an Orca does, I mean the sheer size of them is something that terrifies me.

When I was 14 years old we went on a family holiday to Loch Lomond (Scotland) and my poor little brother and I decided it would be a blast to jump in a Kayak whilst the adults did boring stuff. We grabbed some life jackets and off we went having a great time splashing each other and pretending we were loosing control and end up in the Loch. I had been on an Outdoor Residential with School at this point so was more than comfortable in open water and being able to roll the Kayak back up if anything went wrong.

Then it happened.

Picture the scene, two hilarious english kids off for a merry jaunt in the middle of a loch that is about 4km wide. It’s a beautiful day and we don’t have a care in the world. Then to my right, about a foot away, an Orca breaches the surface of the loch, jumping 10 foot in the air and then lands in front of the Kayak. Holy fucking shit. I was panicking, screaming, couldn’t get words out properly and my poor 12 year old brother didn’t know what the hell was going on and he was starting to panic because I was panicking. No one understood what I was talking about and was told not to be so stupid (not their fault, clueless).

Looking back I couldn’t hear the Orca, I just sensed it and saw it, which made it even weirder at the time as I wasn’t really aware of my Mother’s gifts and really wasn’t aware of my heritage. After my Mum died she wasn’t really talked about at home.

After that I didn’t see the Orca until University (beach town) where she was the basis of my nightmares for about a year and then when I initally picked up and moved to Scotland in 2016 to live by the Sea. Then I started dreaming of her again but she made the dreams a little less scary for me and by 2016 I realised who she was and that she wasn’t going anywhere.

Since then I have forced myself to look at images of Orca’s to try and desensitise myself from the visceral reaction I have and researched them like a mofo. My favourite story is from the Tsimshian Tribe which talks of the Supernatural White Wolf being very lonely, she sleeps one night and has a vision and knows she must go to the depths of the ocean and sing the history of the world. She asks Grandmother and she transforms her into a black dolphin with white markings to remind her that she once lived on land.

They are also seen as the souls of hunters and Chiefs, mate for life and are the protectors of humans in the Ocean, (but might overturn a Kayak to be closer to us!).

Can’t be all good! 😉